


The Devil Within

by AceMistakes



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Heavy Angst, Hurt Sam Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, Mentions of Rape, Post-Lucifer's Cage Sam Winchester, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-28
Updated: 2019-10-02
Packaged: 2020-09-28 06:51:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20421743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AceMistakes/pseuds/AceMistakes
Summary: When Dean made this deal with Death he really expected everything to be like they were before Sam went to hell. He notices little things about Sam that concern him, but he doesn't think much of it. Then the wall in Sam's mind cracks and everything goes downhill from there.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Huge shoutout to my bro who helped me a lot with this fic. 
> 
> This fic is my own take on Sam's return from Hell. There will be warnings before every chapter as this fic will deal with some pretty heavy topics.

Sam woke up in the panic room with no memory of how he got there, or even falling asleep. He sat up and looked around the room hoping to see some sign that would tell him why he was left there. Upon finding nothing, Sam sat up with a groan. He needed to find Dean. Dean would have the answers Sam was looking for. Would know why he was left in the panic room, why he felt as if he was missing some key information, and hopefully would know why Sam felt so uncomfortable at the moment. 

_ ‘Maybe it’s an “I just returned from hell” thing.’  _ Sam wondered as he stretched his arms over his head. 

Sam stood up and exited the panic room. He looked around the basement of Bobby’s house for a moment. The sense that he was missing something grew. Sam shivered at the feeling. He shook his head and quickly made his way upstairs to search for his brother. Once he reached the top of the stairs, Sam could faintly hear the sound of Bobby speaking. He made his way towards the sound, fingers absentmindedly tapping against the side of his leg. The feeling of unease grew in Sam with every step he took. Sam paused just out of view and took a stuttering breath. He shook his head before looking around the corner. 

Dean was sitting with his back to Sam and was talking to Bobby. Relief flooded Sam’s body at the sight of his older brother. Sam smiled at the sight of his brother and father figure together,alive, and safe. 

“Dean.” Sam called out. He cringed slightly at the rush of discomfort that hit him once he spoke.

Sam ignored the discomfort and quickly moved to hug his brother as soon as he stood to face Sam. He breathed in his brother’s scent,  _ home,  _ and any discomfort left Sam with the comforting scent. Once he pulled away, Sam turned to smile at Bobby before walking over to hug the man. He took notice of tension in the man’s body and the hesitance to hug him back. Sam made sure to keep the hug short and pulled away from the man with a look of confusion on his face. Before his last memories came flooding to the surface.

“Wait… I saw…” Sam paused and took a deep breath before he corrected himself, “I felt Lucifer snap your neck.” 

He saw Bobby exchange a look with Dean before answering. Starting to say something about Cas, but at the mention of the angel happiness and surprise filled him. 

“Cas is alive?” Sam exclaimed, cutting Bobby off.

“Yeah. Cas is...Cas is fine. Sam, are you okay?” Dean asked, prompting Sam to turn to look at his brother. 

“Actually um….” Sam turned to look back at Bobby for a moment. He ignored the concern his brother was showing and the discomfort speaking brought him. “...I’m starving.”

Dean looked surprised at his answer and looked at Bobby before shrugging. “Well okay then. Let’s get you something to eat, kiddo.” he said and turned to lead Sam into the kitchen. 

Sam sat at the table. He watched as his brother quickly made a sandwich and gratefully accepted the beer that Bobby offered him. He frowned slightly at the distance Bobby was trying to put between them. The man had moved to lean against the counter instead of sitting at the table with him. Sam smiled in thanks as his brother handed him a plate with the sandwich and quickly dug into the food. He heard Dean sit next to him and felt his gaze on him as he finished most of the sandwich.

“So Sam..” Dean started.

Sam paused at turned to look at Dean, mouth filled since he had just taken a bite. “Yeah?” 

“What’s the last thing you remember?”

Sam took a moment to remember. “The field, and then I fell.” he stated with a shrug.

“Okay, and then?”

Sam frowned, not knowing where Dean was trying to go with this. “Um…I woke up in the panic room.”

“That’s it?” Bobby chimed in, “You really don’t remember-?”

Sam jumped slightly as Dean quickly cut the man off with a sharp, “Let’s be glad.” He shared a look with Bobby before turning to look back to Sam, who found himself relaxing at the relief in Dean’s eyes. “Who wants to remember all that hell?”

Sam was confused but felt the corner of his mouth twitch up for a moment at his brother’s words. He took a moment to think of his next words before he asked how long he was out. He wasn’t prepared for Dean to state that he had been out for about a year and a half. He quickly looked at his brother in disbelief.

“What? I was downstairs…?” He paused as he tried to gather his thoughts, tried to ignore the growing discomfort as he continued to speak. “I don’t remember a thing. So how’d I get back? Was it Cas?”

Dread filled him at Dean’s response, “Not exactly.” 

“Dean, what did you do?”

“Me and Death-”

“Death? The horseman?”

“I had leverage. It’s done.”

Sam didn’t feel very reassured at Dean’s words. He was silent for a moment as Dean tried to reassure him again. The discomfort grew as Bobby tried to argue something, only to have Dean shoot his attempt down. He looked between the both of them. Sam took a deep breath before asking if he should know anything else. His heart sank at the tension that filled the room after he asked. It was silent before Dean responded saying that he didn’t need to know anything else. Sam just nodded in response when Dean changed the subject by asking if he wanted another beer.

Sam sighed once his brother turned around, looking at his back. He didn’t notice Bobby narrow his eyes at him. He silently took the beer Dean offered him. Sam stared down at the table as he tried to collect his thoughts. Dean had somehow made a deal with Death to do...something to get him back. He just wished that Dean had told him what he’d done. Sam felt uneasy not knowing. 

Sam frowned as he took a sip of beer. Speaking was ...uncomfortable for him. He didn’t know why. He found himself wishing that the conversation would just end, but the need to know what had happened overcame this desire. Sam’s gaze flicked up to look at Bobby. Shame filled him as he stared at the man, distrust clear in his eyes. He quickly looked back down as Bobby dismissed himself to go work on the cars outside. 

“You okay, Sammy?” Dean asked, noticing his brother’s growing discomfort. 

Sam shifted slightly in his seat and just shrugged. He finished the beer quickly and cleared the area where he was sitting. 

“I just gonna go…..” Sam paused and he looked at his brother in confusion. He knew what he wanted to do but he couldn’t, for the life of him, think of the words to describe what he was thinking of. 

Dean raised an eyebrow at the silence and the confusion evident in Sam’s eyes. He knew what his brother was going to say but the sudden pause confused him. “Sam?” he questioned. Concern quickly came rushing back at the growing panic on Sam’s face.  _ Something was wrong. _ He feared that Death had screwed him over because something was clearly scaring his little brother and Dean couldn’t think of anything that would put that fear there at this present moment. “Sam? What’s going on?” He questioned.

“I…” Sam swallowed as he tried to control the rising panic. He was fine, safe. So why was he panicking so much? He didn’t want to speak but his brother was growing concerned. This was a mistake. He was just tired but he couldn’t just tell Dean that he was okay because he  _ wasn’t.  _ Forgetting some simple word had managed to bring back all the discomfort and confusion from earlier back to the surface. This rush of emotions was disorienting and Sam was left panicking at how quickly they all came back. “I can’t remember…” he trailed off.

Dean was confused now. Sam couldn’t remember? He had to be talking about not remembering Hell and that was a good thing. He didn’t understand why his little brother was getting so worked up over this. His eyes widened a little in surprise as Sam quickly walked over and grabbed his biceps. 

“I-I can’t remember what it’s called. Why….” Sam looked into his brother’s eyes, “Why can’t I remember what it’s called? Dean. Dean I-I can’t…”

The concern was back and Dean was also slightly scared at his brother’s panicked ramblings. He didn’t know what Sam was trying to say. He didn’t know what what was called? “Sam? Sam I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Dean said slowly.

“I don’t know what the thing upstairs is called! Dean why can’t I remember what that’s called? The place where ...where we sleep! T-the..” Sam broke off with a frustrated huff as he let go of his brother and ran his fingers through his hair. 

“The bed?”

“Yes! Yes! That!” Sam exclaimed quickly.

Dean flinched at the sudden outburst. He looked at Sam for a moment in confusion. Clearly this had something to do with his trip downstairs, but Dean was confused. Death had put up a wall so why was Sam panicking over something as simple as forgetting a word? Why was he forgetting a word in the first place? His brother was currently mumbling the word to himself, his fingers were lightly tapping at the elbows on the opposite arm. 

“Okay, kiddo. You should really get to  _ bed.  _ Seems like you need the rest.” Dean had put extra emphasis on the word Sam had forgotten.

Sam nodded and fell silent as Dean put a hand in between his shoulder blades to lead him upstairs to the bedroom. He had calmed down slightly once Dean helped him figure out what word he was forgetting but the discomfort was still there, lingering. Sam hoped that a bit of rest would get rid of the feeling and fell down onto the bed as soon as he was next to it. He buried his face in the pillow and sighed. 

Dean watched as his younger brother fell onto the bed without changing. He took a deep breath and walked over. Sam would be uncomfortable sleeping in his jeans. “Alright kiddo. Let’s get you changed.” he said softly. 

Dean grabbed a sleep shirt and sweatpants from Sam’s duffle that rested against the dresser by the bed. He made quick work of Sam’s shoes, dropping them down by the bed not missing the small flinch his brother gave at the sound of the boots hitting the floor. He handed Sam the change of clothes he grabbed once he had turned around on the bed. He helped Sam change and get under the covers before he turned to leave. He froze as he heard Sam’s slurred, “Thanks De.” Dean let out a sigh before he continued out of the room, closing the door behind him. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the late update! I've been stuck on how to write this chapter. 
> 
> Warnings: very brief mention of seizures, hints at manipulation

Dean let out a sigh once the door was closed. He leaned back against it for a moment. He ran his fingers through his short hair as he went over the events from earlier. Sam had forgotten a word. He had  _ panicked  _ over forgetting this word. Dean had only seen Sam that panicked a few times. They weren’t ones to break down over anything, they didn’t have the time because letting your emotions take over got you killed. Dean shook his head and walked back downstairs. He grabbed two beers and headed outside to where he knew Bobby was working on a car. 

“Hey.” Dean called out in greeting once Bobby came into view. He held up the beers once Bobby glanced at him to show that he had gotten one for the older man. 

“How is he?” Bobby asked as he went back to the car.

Dean let out a sigh and opened his beer. “He freaked out a little earlier but I’m sure he was just tired. I’m a little worried about him. But he’s better than I could’ve hoped.” he responded.

Bobby looked back over at Dean with a questioning look. That wasn’t the response that Bobby had been expecting. He expected Dean to say that Sam was doing perfect with the wall in place and doing its job. To hear that Sam seemed to lose control over his emotions for a bit unsettled him. “So what happened?” he questioned. 

“He forgot a word.”

“He what?”

“Sam forgot the word ‘bed’ and freaked over it. I mean, I’m sure it’s just cause the kid’s tired because he fell asleep pretty quickly after I got him to bed. But…. I don’t know, Bobby.”

“Maybe this wall is his head ain't as strong as we thought.” Bobby suggested softly, knowing that Dean wouldn't like this possibility. He waited quietly as Dean, expectedly, started to explain that  _ 'No it's not the wall. Death promised that Sam wouldn't remember anything.’ _ Bobby just continued to work on the car as Dean ranted. After a moment of silence once Dean finished, Bobby stopped working. He turned and set the tool he was using down onto the table next to the beer, looking at Dean as he did so. “Look. I'm not saying that the boy can remember Hell. All I'm saying is that his soul was fried, Dean. That's going to leave a mark that no wall can fully contain.”

Dean looked at Bobby wearily. Bobby had a point, but he didn't like the idea of his baby brother suffering. 

“Look. I found a hunt. It'll help take your mind off all this.” Bobby said before explaining. “A ton of guys have started to go missing. Their bodies were never found. It's been said that all of the wives either killed themselves or just up and left.”

It was suspected that a witch was involved since there wasn’t a singular building where everything was happening. This witch was possibly kidnapping men to drive the wives to suicide. It wasn’t a solid theory since the men were never found and not all the wives had committed suicide. “This hunt is in Henderson, Nevada. You and I can leave tomorrow.” Bobby suggested. 

“What about Sam?”

“He can stay here. Get used to being topside.” Bobby responded with a shrug. 

Dean sighed as he thought over Bobby’s suggestion. He didn’t really like the idea of leaving Sammy alone, especially after what happened earlier. He took a sip of his beer and set it down on the table that was outside. “I don’t know, Bobby. After his freak out earlier, it doesn’t seem right to leave him alone.”

“Well immediately taking him on a hunt don’t seem too smart either.”

Dean sighed and moved to sit at the table. He rested his face in his hands before moving them up to run through his hair. He looked up at Bobby as he came to a decision. He didn't look too happy about it, but it was the best he could think of. “I guess we'll just ask Sam what he wants to do. I mean he'll protest in some way no matter what, and it'll save us the headache.” he stated. 

Bobby rose an eyebrow at the elder Winchester. “Well I'm not going with you boys if he decides to hunt.” he stated. Bobby held up his hand when Dean opened his mouth to protest. “Before you go lecturing me about this, I get that he ain't the Sam that tried to kill me, but I still don't trust him. So, sorry Dean, but I'm not about to trust that kid to watch my back so soon.” 

Dean winced at Bobby's words. While he didn't like the situation, he understood where Bobby was coming from. He knew it was going to take awhile for Sam to earn the old hunter's trust back. Dean stated that he understood before changing the topic. The two talked about cases and cars. Dean had offered to help Bobby with the car he was working on, but the older man declined, so Dean had stayed as company. It would be some time before Sam would wake up anyways, and Dean enjoyed being in Bobby’s presence.

It was another couple of hours until Sam had joined them outside. Dean sighed to himself as he noticed Bobby tense at Sam’s arrival. Dean looked over at Sam and couldn’t help but smile a little. Sam’s hair was a mess, and his younger brother was currently rubbing at his eyes with a fist looking all of 5 years old again. 

“Sleep well, princess?” Dean teased.

Sam glared at his older brother and ran a hand through his messy hair. He walked over to where Dean was standing and greeted Bobby. He winced a little as he noticed how tense the older man was. He didn’t know what he did to cause the tension between them, but he hated that the other seemed to dislike being around him so much. Sam really wished he could fix what was between them. He viewed Bobby as a father figure and hated seeing the older man so upset. 

“So what did I miss?” Sam asked softly as he looked between his brother and Bobby.

Dean grabbed Sam’s shoulder and gave it a slight squeeze before simply resting it there. “Bobby found us a hunt. You up for it?” he answered.

Sam nodded and glanced at Bobby before looking at Dean. “Yeah. When do we leave?” he asked.

“In the morning.”

“What’s the story behind this?”

“Some guys have started going missing. A couple days after these guys disappear their wives either kill themselves or fall off the grid. We think it’s a witch, though we don’t know the connections yet.”

Sam hummed a little as he thought over the information Dean gave him. It seemed like a simple enough case, so he didn’t worry too much about it. Sam frowned when Bobby announced that he was going back inside to eat and then turn in for the night. It was hard not to let himself feel disappointed when it seemed that Bobby could only handle being around Sam for a few minutes. 

* * *

The next morning, Sam and Dean packed up the car and headed off to Henderson, Nevada. It was around a 21 hour drive, so they planned on stopping in Montrose, Colorado for a night. The drive wasn’t very eventful. Dean played his tape obnoxiously loud like always. Sam drove for a little in between gas stops before Dean took over again. The two arrived in Henderson in the early afternoon the next day. 

“Room 207.” the motel clerk said while handing Dean the key for the room.

“Thanks.” he replied before walking back out to the Impala. He tossed the keys to Sam who was leaning against the passenger side of the car and stated what room they had. 

* * *

“Can you tell us what you know about the Brights?” Sam questioned.

“Well Mia was a very nice lady. She would often come around to talk and helped whenever she could. I have trouble moving around nowadays. She… well, she seemed perfectly happy in her marriage.” Shanta answered and sighed. “Oh the poor girl was so broken up when Harvey disappeared. But even then I never imagined that she would go as far as to kill herself.”

“And Harvey? What was he like before he disappeared?” 

Shanta’s face darkened slightly at the mention of the husband. “He was a kind enough man. But, oh, he seemed as if he was up to something. Always coming home late and disheveled. You know I caught him once fixing his clothing before entering his apartment? Oh, poor Mia. I don’t think she knew of his late night exploits. Although I’ve never seen him with another woman so I cannot be sure if my theory is truth.” 

“Well, thank you so much for your time, Ms.  Khatri.” Sam with a smile. 

Shanta smiled and reached forward to pat Sam’s hand. “Do Mia justice, young man.” she said before turning to enter her apartment. 

Sam walked down to the lobby and sighed as he walked outside. Dean was parked outside the apartment complex waiting for him, having completed his interviews already.

“So?” Dean questioned as Sam got in the car.

“Another happy couple with the man suspected of cheating.” Sam answered.

“So this witch is going after men who cheated on their wives? And what? Spelling the wives to kill their husbands, hide the body, and killing themselves?”

“I guess so.”

Dean sighed and shook his head at the information as he took off towards the motel. Now all they needed to do was track down this witch and kill her before more guys disappeared. Hopefully it would be easy but knowing their luck, it was going to take longer than they liked. 

* * *

It ended up taking a day to track down this witch at an abandoned house along the edge of town. They found that this lady was someone that they had already spoken to when questioning people about the disappearances. She was a fairly short woman with long black hair and grey eyes. Sam honestly didn’t know how they overlooked this lady when they first talked to her. Looking back on the conversation, he recalled a knowing glint in the woman’s eyes as she spoke. As if she knew something that they didn’t. 

The two Winchesters were now cautiously walking towards the entrance of the run down house. Keeping an ear out for any sudden noises in case the witch decided to attack them. When they entered the house, both were briefly surprised at how nice the inside of the house looked compared to the outside. It seemed like the witch was actually living in the house and only kept the outside appearance up to keep people away. The two crept towards the living area. Dean leading the way so that if anything were to happen, he was spotted first and Sam had the chance to get away. 

“Evening boys.” was heard causing both to tense up. 

When the two entered the living area, they noticed the witch standing in a doorway on the other side of the room. She was leaning against one side with her arms crossed and that knowing look on her face. The witch hummed as she regarded the two men now standing in her living area. Sam had moved to stand off to the side of Dean so that the two were blocking the exit in case the witch tried to make an escape out of the front door. 

“You know, Dean, it’s rude to keep secrets.” the witch purred with a knowing smile.

“Get the hell out of my head, lady. You don’t know anything.” Dean snarled in response. He saw Sam glance at him out of the corner of his eye and knew that he was going to ask about it. Now wasn’t the time to be informing Sam of the fragile wall that was quite possibly keeping him alive. 

“Oh but Dean. Maybe you should be taught a lesson, because clearly your father never drilled this into your head.” the witch said with a small giggle at the fury now prominent in Dean’s features. Even Sam was starting to get mad from the looks of it at the mention of their deceased father. “Oh! I have just the spell too!” she added on cheerfully. 

Sam stepped closer to Dean at the witch’s words. He didn’t like where this was all going. This witch seemed to know a little more than what Sam was comfortable with. He briefly wondered what the witch knew about  _ him, _ but quickly curbed that curiosity in favor of focusing on making sure Dean got out of this place alive. Although Sam never got the chance to make a move, let alone make a plan, because the next thing he knew, he was thrown against the nearest wall and pinned with a flick of the witch’s fingers. He let out a grunt at the impact and heard Dean start to shout his name before it was cut off with a strangled cry of pain.

“Dean!” Sam cried out as his brother fell to his knees, clutching at his head. “Leave him alone!” he yelled as he turned his head to face the witch.

The witch smirked as she continued to chant the words of the spell. She glanced at Sam and he could see a spark of mischief in her startling grey eyes. Sam shuddered at the thought of the Trickster that came with that mischievous and knowing look. Sam struggled at the magic that was keeping him in place. He knew it was no use, but he needed to either get to Dean or to stop the witch’s chanting. Sam froze when he heard Dean’s grunts of pain stop. He watched as Dean’s eyes rolled up into his head and he fell forward. He ran to his brother as soon as he felt the witch let him go. 

Sam quickly checked for a pulse and for any injuries. He let out a sigh of relief as he found no injuries and a normal pulse. He whipped around to glare at the witch as he heard footsteps approaching. He pulled Dean’s limp body closer and slightly off to the side so Sam was seated between his brother and the witch as he watched her advance. Holding Dean with one arm, his free hand moved to grab the gun Dean had dropped. 

Sam held the gun up and aimed it at the witch’s chest. The witch just smiled knowingly and stopped advancing once she was close enough for the gun to rest against her skin. She crouched down and grabbed the end of the gun, not pulling, but holding it against her chest. Sam was frozen in shock at her actions. He couldn’t find it in himself to pull the trigger and inwardly cursed himself for choking up. He wanted to know what she did to Dean and what she was talking about before. He was putting a little too much trust in this lady to provide this information and not just kill him. 

The witch hummed. “So curious little Winchester…” she mused before chuckling. “Well younger. You’re not very little, are you? Maybe in your mind, but… never mind that. You can go ahead and kill me now. I’ve had my fun in this world.”

“What the hell did you do to Dean?” Sam demanded instead.

The witch let out a short laugh as she glanced over to the limp Winchester. “Nothing you need to worry about, boy. Your precious big brother is fine. Just a little temporary truth spell to get rid of those nasty secrets regarding you.”

“Me?”

A hum of affirmation. The witch regarded Sam with a look he couldn’t quite name. It made him uneasy, and he shifted slightly, covering Dean’s body a little more. Amusement flashed in the witch’s eyes at this. she reached out towards Sam and he flinched back from the hand, his finger twitching on the trigger causing the witch to pause.

“You don’t know much. I could help you like I did all those ladies. I opened their eyes to their husband’s lying ways. I could help you deal with your lying brother. Of course death wouldn’t be involved here because everyone knows how dependent you two are on each other.” The witch offered in a soft voice, almost comforting. 

Sam flinched slightly as Dean groaned behind him. He cursed himself again as he found himself to be relaxing at the witch’s words. She was lying and Sam had enough of people tricking him for one lifetime. His expression hardened as he pressed the gun a little harder against the witch’s chest. 

“I don’t need your help.” He snapped. 

The witch frowned at his answer. She was silent for a moment. Before Sam could react, the witch reached forward and roughly grabbed Sam’s throat, cutting off his breathing. Sam tried to breathe in, letting go of his brother to reach up and grab the witch’s wrist. He still had the gun pressed against the witch’s chest but his head was shaking as he was struggling to breathe. 

“I offered you help in opening your eyes the easy way, but of course you had to refuse. Looks like I have to show you the hard way. Go on young Winchester. SHOOT. But know that I will be taking you out with me. Let’s see if your mind can handle the stress,” the witch snarled out before she started to chant the words to another spell.

Sam struggled in the witch’s hold to get away. The hand holding the gun was shaking even more and was threatening to drop the gun. He tried pulling the witch’s hand off his throat but she was stronger than she looked. Dean groaned again behind him and shifted as he started to wake. There was an uncomfortable pressure in Sam’s head that he desperately wanted gone. 

Dean shifted again as he heard panicked gasping and someone angrily chanting in Latin. He was wide awake as he suddenly heard someone else let out a pained yell that was followed by a gunshot. There was a thud of a body hitting the floor.  _ Oh god where was Sam? _ Dean quickly sat up and turned to look next to him. He watched as Sam dropped his gun, one hand rubbing at his throat as he gasped for air. Sam was trembling and Dean only got to make brief eye contact with Sam before his brother’s eyes rolled up into his head as he fell back and convulsed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are greatly appreciated!
> 
> Tumblr: acemistakes  
Tellonym: lemon_galaxies

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Kudos are appreciated!  
Tumblr: @acemistakes  
Insta: @royallyacemistakes


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